WHAT WILL YOU GET IF YOU ASK ME HELP YOU?
I will deliver your letter and photos to the birth family of your adopted child.
If the members of the birth family do not mind, I will ask them your questions and get answers. I will translate these answers into English and send them to you.
I will take pictures of them as well as of their home. I'll record a short video with them if they don't mind.
I will ask them to write you a reply letter. Then I will translate this letter into English and send you together with a scan of the letter.
I will take their full names, dates of birth, their postal addresses, phone numbers, their social media accounts on the Internet, their email addresses, translate everything into English and send this information to you.
I will leave them my contact information for further communication. Later, you can communicate directly with the birth family if you want.

WHAT DO YOU NEED TO START YOUR SEARCH?
The adoptive family sends me the scans (or photos) of papers from the adoption paperwork. It is also very appropriate to send a few photos of the adopted child and his family - for delivering them to the birth family.
The adoptive family writes a letter to the child's birthmother telling that the child is all right (or has any health or other problems). I can send sample letters if needed.
The adoptive family composes a list of questions for the mother and family. I can send samples of such lists.

WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?
I study the documents, print them out. I also print photos. I translate the letter and list of questions and print them out.
I check on social media to see if the birthmother and her relatives are there.
Sometimes they are in Russian social media, usually in Odnoklassniki or Vkontakte. Most often they are not. The fact is that a significant part of such birthmothers die quite early - from an overdose, from low-quality alcohol, from tuberculosis, etc. They die quite often from easily treatable chronic diseases.
Some are killed for infecting someone with sexually transmitted diseases or tuberculosis. Some have such a lifestyle and standard of living that they have practically no idea about social media.
When all the checks are done, I go to the corresponding region to meet with the birthmother and her relatives.

WHAT IS DANGEROUS TO DO?
The most dangerous thing is to send the biological mother a letter by regular mail or a registered letter to the address known from the adoption paperwork.
The fact is that postmen in Russia deliver letters to anyone who lives at this address. Or even just leave a letter in the mailbox, signing themselves for the receipt of the letter.
Thus, the letter may fall into the hands of a jealous husband, who may even kill his wife. Or beat her hard. Or kick his wife out of the house. In Asian countries, the birthmother can burn herself. Especially in Uzbekistan or Tajikistan.
Unfortunately, I have information about such cases.

ONLINE SEARCH OR A TRIP TO THE REGION WHERE THE BIRTH FAMILY LIVES?
I have to make online searches sometimes. This happens when those who ask to establish contact with the birth family cannot pay for a trip to a distant region. Typically, traveling expenses are the biggest part of the total cost of a search.
If it is necessary to make several searches in an area, there is no such problem, since the travel expenses are split between all adoptive families and the costs of each search are relatively small.
But if you need to make a single search in a distant area, then traveling expenses can be more than an adoptive family with small incomes can afford.
Sometimes I also receive requests from adopted children, who have already become adults, but who earn little money, and their adoptive parents do not want to help them in establishing contact with their birth families.

WHAT ARE THE ADVANTAGES OF ONLINE SEARCHES?
Online search is cheaper, since you do not need to travel to a distant region, you do not need to stay in hotels.
Also, the searcher does not risk his/her life, because trips to distant regions, searches in disadvantaged areas of different cities are potentially dangerous to life and health.
In my practice of searching, there were such incidents when my life was threatened by local criminal elements. One of searchers was stabbed to death in Karaganda city (Kazakhstan). However, this is where the advantages of online search end.

WHAT ARE THE DISADVANTAGES OF ONLINE SEARCHES?
It is impossible to get a real idea of the birthmother and other members of the birth family, since there is no eye contact. When there is a live conversation, a person does not have time to invent a lie that looks like the truth. And almost always you can see by facial expressions whether a person is lying or not.
Sometimes it is not easy to understand whether a biological mother is married or has more children.
When you get in contact via the Internet, the birthmother, before answering, has the time to think as much as she wants. She may have friends who will advise something, will invent something. Also, sometimes I hear from the birthmother that I could be a fraud.
The birthmother cannot be sure that I am telling and writing her the truth. She may suspect that this contact was made for some kind of fraudulent activity.
But I am also not sure that I receive reliable information from the birth family via the Internet. Therefore, it is necessary to try to verify the information the birth family is giving in independent sources.
Russian laws are very strict with regard to obtaining personal information about someone. Therefore, the databases available on the Internet, even if they are old, are blocked. We have to look for workarounds.
An online search takes much more time than a search with a trip to the corresponding region. You have to spend a very large amount of time to somehow find those details which are immediately visible if you come to the region and meet with the birth family.

WHAT ARE THE ADVANTAGES OF SEARCHING WITH A TRIP TO THE REGION OF THE NATIVE FAMILY?
A personal meeting with the birthmother, if she is still alive (many such mothers die very early), is very important for quickly establishing trusting contact, for obtaining reliable information. If the birthmother has already died, then her relatives give the information.
Also, important information can be given by neighbors and friends of the birthmother. Especially about the birth father.
A personal meeting of the searcher with the birth family allows in the future to successfully establish communication between the adoptive and birth families.

HELP OF THE SEARCHER AT THE FIRST STAGE OF COMMUNICATION BETWEEN ADOPTIVE AND BIRTH FAMILIES
The help of the searcher at the first stage of communication between adoptive and birth families is very important, since there is a rather significant difference in mentality between people from the Western world and the countries of the former Soviet bloc - Russia, Kazakhstan, Ukraine, etc.
Many former Soviet people cannot understand why adoptive families are looking for the birth family of their adopted child?
It's one thing when a person who has studied English, the peculiarities of the culture and traditions of Western countries comes to a Western country from Russia or Kazakhstan. Even in this case, such a person may be shocked by some details of life in Western countries.
And birth families are usually poor, with a low level of education, have an idea of ​​Western countries only from their TV sets.
It is also very important for the first stage of communication that the searcher is aware of many subtleties and nuances of the circumstances of the life of the birth family.
Online translations can lead to serious misunderstandings.
Therefore, adoptive families should communicate with birth families for some time using the help of the searcher who will correctly translate messages from both sides.
With a few exceptions, adoptive families write in correct English. Even so, online translators can produce incorrect translations.
The educational level of the birth families is often very low. Their texts can be totally illiterate. An online translator may not understand at all what and how to translate.
The searcher quite easily understands any illiterate texts from the birth family and correctly translates the meaning of messages from the family into English.

THE ONLINE SEARCH MADE BY ADOPTIVE FAMILY
This is the most undesirable option for trying to get into contact with the birth family. If you find the birthmother in Russian social media and write to her directly, this can be very dangerous for her.
The fact is that many married couples use the same account. Sometimes it is indicated that there is the husband and the wife at once. Sometimes this is not indicated. Or it happens that the husband controls his wife's account.
The consequences for the birthmother can be as lamentable as in the case of receiving a letter through the mail. The biological mother can be beaten, driven out of the house, or even killed.

THE HUSBAND OF A BIRTHMOTHER MAY NOT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT HIS WIFE'S CHILD IN ANOTHER COUNTRY
If the birthmother has a husband, then usually the husband does not know anything about the child his wife relinquished from. This happens in different ways.
1. The wife gave birth to a child in her youth and left her child in maternity hospital. Later she got married.
2. The wife became pregnant from a lover while the husband was in prison, or at work, or at work, or on a long voyage (like sailors or fishermen). She gave birth and left her child in maternity hospital.
3. The child left by the birthmother in the hospital, can be even from her own husband, who did not know she was pregnant.
4. Also, the wife can go to the hospital, give birth to a child there and abandon him/her. And then she can return home and tell everybody that the child is dead.

ANOTHER DANGER OF THE ONLINE SEARCH
It is also possible that you can start online communication with a stranger who uses the names of the biological mother of your adopted child. Or the names of the members of your child's birth family. Someone else may be registered under the birthmother's name. This person can try to get as many details as possible from you. And then, using the information received from you, he/she can either blackmail the real birthmother or try to lure money from the adoptive family by inventing some mournful stories.

CAN THE MEMBERS OF THE BIRTH FAMILY HARM THE ADOPTIVE FAMILY?
This is out of the question. There is no need to be afraid of contacts with your adopted child’s birth family. Yes, there may be drug addicts, alcoholics, and criminals among the members of the family. But they have no desire to harm the adoptive family. They also do not have the ability to do harm, even if they would want to. Birth families usually have very low incomes and therefore have no opportunity to travel to other countries.

DO THE FAMILY MEMBERS ASK FOR MONEY FROM THE ADOPTIVE FAMILIES?
Sometimes it happens. But this happens very rarely.
Sometimes it happens that the birth family refuses to receive material help from the adoptive family.
Some adoptive families send money to the birth family on a regular basis - from $100 to $300 monthly. This makes a very positive effect on the life of the birth family and the siblings of the adopted child.

MEETING OF THE ADOPTIVE AND BIRTH FAMILIES
Some adoptive families come to Russia and other countries from where they adopted their children. Most often, they first visit St. Petersburg and Moscow, where they spend 3-4 days as ordinary tourists. During this time, they get used to changing time zones. In general, it is advisable to prepare for the time change in advance, several days before the flight. Jet lag is an unpleasant thing.
After St. Petersburg and Moscow, they go to the city, town or village where members of the birth family live. There, members of the adoptive family stay at a local hotel.
Depending on the distance from Moscow, an airplane, train or car can be used to move to the area where the birth family lives.
To save money, it is advisable to have an interpreter and a car driver in one person.
Family meetings can take place in different places. Sometimes it happens right at the hotel. Sometimes in the apartment or house of the birth family, if their living conditions allow this. Sometimes somewhere in a cafe or restaurant. It is also possible to communicate in a local city park with attractions.